Souljacker’s blog-o-rama and baby ribs

So on the fourth of july, one of Eau Claire County's finest decided to run me off the road while i was riding my bike.  I had rode my bike from water street and up through the uw campus when i was crossing the street.  I had crossed this same street hundreds of times with no problem.  Granted it was a bit dark, but I'm a 200 pound guy on a bright yellow bike.  It is kind of hard to miss me.  So there I was crossing the street, when a EC sheriff car is stopping at a stop sign.  I naturally take this as my right of way.  The officer thought it should be otherwise.  He suddenly stomped on his gas and came right at me.  I had to swerve into the ditch to get out of the way.  Now I would like to think that the officer just didn't see me and made a mistake, but that fantasy went right out the window after he had to back up to make the turn he was attempting to naviate when myself and bike crossed his sights.  He actually chased me so far off the road that he had to put his car in reverse to make the right hand turn he started out to make.  Now of course he sped away down the highway so fast that i couldn't get his number or any other information off of his car.  So I'm left standing in the ditch pissed off and wondering who the hell to call and file this complaint to.  The police department?  Are they really going to police the sheriff and his croney deputies?  I don't know what will work.  So I decided to just write a nice email to the patrol captain, maybe he can take away the patrolman's birthday or something.  Oh authority figures are so much fun...

sooo, umm, a certain someone told me their aim password today... it was so so suck my toe...

i peed my self.

So today I was sitting reminicing about parking tickets here in Eau Claire.  And it has come to my attention that I have already spent about 200 bucks on parking tickets so far in my life.  So i had enough.  and i decided that checks should carry personal messages conveying the feelings that i have when i give this money away.  Its like cash with attitude.  I mean have you ever gotten a check for something from a stranger, then went to cash it and it was canceled/ bounces? well i haven't, but i can imagine that it would suck.  So anyways back to the story.  I decided to convey my feelings of discust to the parking ticket lady who ticketed my car once again.  This happened a while ago and i recently was running through my bank statements and came into this little morsel...

Fuckyouparkingady

aaahhhh, gratification.  This right here made my day. From now on i would like to encourage the masses to put feelings into those checks, thats what the memo slot is for!  Tell the parking police how you felt about that ticket, your landlord how much you like rent, use your imagination.

Well thats all for today, have fun writing those checks!  In a later post I will have to address the awesome attempted scam that someone tried on me today.  but no time for that now!

ps. sex and the city... I was quite impressed with the movie theatre, when i left that movie i couldn't help but notice that there was a giant ad with pamphlets advertising a skydiving company.  Perfect product placement, cuz after that movie i did feel like jumping out of a plane.

So, I took my second to the last final exam today.  It was a final like no other. It was one of those classes that you just can't bring yourself to show up to week after week, yet even with all the absences you can still pass with a solid A.  So for this particular class, the art of the short story, we were supposed to read a bunch of short stories.  I refused to read these stories on the basis that they were not short, and on one occasion there was a non fiction essay about short stories.  I felt that these stories did not contribute to the class goals and refused to read them.  Well that came around and bit me in the ass.  Lo and behold here comes final day, I had only read those stories that were under 30 pages, so about half of them.  There were 8 stories assigned to read for the final, I read about four of them. The exam was looking great for a bit, until i read the questions.  The first one wanted an analysis on that non fiction essay that i refused to read, naturally i put a big X over it and wrote this is not a short story Muthafucka! In my angriest Samuel L Jackson handwriting.  So I proceeded to do three out of the four questions.  The first two were relatively simple, I enjoyed reading them and was able to give insiteful insights into them.  The first of which was a story called "the overcoat" to which I argued was a disguised parable for not going after things you don't need.  The second story was called "Roman Fever"  this story I found was an early predecessor to the shock stories that you read nowadays.  It starts out with a grumpy old men kind of bickering between two old ladies.  Then it ends with one of them telling the other that she fucked his husband in a gang bang in the coliseum.  I had to do a lot of "analyzing" to find proof for that theory, but I think I made a good argument explaining how the author slipped that in there.

So tomorrow I just have one final left to do.  In that one I am forced to pit Al Sharpton against Barack Obama.  It should be an interesting fight.

Now in other news The Brian Jonestown Massacre released another album recently called My Bloody Underground.  I have yet to hear it, but, the interwebs allowing, I may be able to aquire a copy soonly.
 (By the way I mean Ruckus downloading, I wouldn't dream of pirating music!) <---- see that right there !) its kind of an ironic hidden wink.  God am i clever today!
And Question of the day, If you found out your best friends daughter was conceived by your husband in the middle of an orgy at the colesuem, and you had knitting needles, would you stab them in the face?

Quick update, my last drink as an underager was a gin martini, my first drink as a 21 year old was a martini and a leinenkugle's original.  Or what I have lovingly called Diesel fuel.  I'll update through the day as I intend to display alcoholic tendancies in order to promote the idea that the drinking age should still be 18.  If only someone older than me didn't fuck up it still would be 18.  F you generation slightly older than my parents!

So today I was telling my friend Jeff about how some plankton look like two men snoodling.  He retorted with "pics or it didn't happen"  So, Jeff, here are the pics.

Zoo plankton

Hello world!

So for the few of you reading this tonight welcome to my first blog ever.  I'd like to thank Molly, for annoying me to the point of starting a blog, and Jesus, who without which some of my favorite religion jokes would not exist.  So what has driven me to abandon the pen and pick up the fight on the interwebs?  Well, to selfishly answer my own question, I really didn't have a fight fighting at the moment.  And I usually only use pen to take notes on things such as realist models of international conflict, louis Faricon, Justice Black(who I believe would make for a great comic called "Supreme Justices!"), and why whales from the northern hemisphere never meet up with the whales from the south.
  As you may have guessed I am student at a university!  I will not name the university because it adds to the suspense, am i an ivy league genious?  or a liberal arts slacker?  You have to untangle that yourself if you really want to know.

Now I am an employee at a small time hardware store.  Working at a local hardware store you run into some of the interesting locals.  My! Just today there was a menards employee coming in to purchase somethings for himself.  I thought that was a good way to give the shaft to John Menard in his hometown.  I congratulated the employee and he gave me one of those polite, "wtf?" looks.  I seem to get those quite a bit from some folks down at the store, I say folks to give the story a more folksy personia as i attempt at being folksy at the store myself.  Another time I was met with a quizzical glance was when i was running a credit card for a man buying a bundle of drill bits.  The credit card said that he was Dr. so and so.  So naturally i asked him if he was a dentist.  He looked at me strangly and said, "why?"  I took that to mean he may have been one so proceeded to make an attempt at a joke.  I bursted out the line, "cuz i don't think those drill bits are graded for teeth"  Yes it was bad, poorly timed, and not even remotely funny but hell i was hoping for even a pity laugh.

In other areas of the life of me, i was excited to learn today that Nine Inch Nails had put out another album.  Which i just finished listening to a short while ago.  It was good, and short.  -end review.